Something different

Here's something I've been doing over the past month

Everything I Will Lose

I. What I found

1. my favorite pen, wrapped in pages

2. where i found a girl, with bags of treasure
   they were given to her but she thought she
   had to give them away
   for a fleeting feeling

3. but she didn’t have to give them away -
   she could give them to herself

4. all by herself she could have that feeling

5. time - minutes, hours, days where i could
   allow space

6. the feeling of space
   the feeling of invitation

7. yes, the feeling of trust
   of safety - inside, not
   coming from outside

II. Everything

1. this moment

2. that moment

3. yesterday’s moments

4. tomorrow’s moments

5. this smile

6. this pain

7. a delicious sandwich

8. flexibility

9. strength

10. doing it myself

11. playing cards

12. playing the piano

13. listening to birds

14. you

15. and you

16. your hand

17. our hands

18. the breeze

19. you sitting there

20. the sound of you

21. being able to

22. finding the words

23. laughing

24. dancing

25. singing

26. playing

27. tasting

28. listening

29. all of these treasures

III. I

1. the yes
   the feeing of yes
   the space in the attic
   the warmth
   the feeling of support
   the holder
   the place of holding
   the place of asking
   the flow
   the water
   the water?
   moving across the banks -
   movement
   a force of nature
   carrying
   channeling?
   the energy
   the energy that moves water

IV. Will

1. not now

2. not this moment

3. my will

4. my [wish]

5. my command?

6. my choosing

7. i will to?

8. what do i not want to write?
   to be seen?
   by whom?

9. who will be I then?

10. will it feel like what when it happens?

11. who will that be when that feeling comes?

12. what will be found when it is that moment?

13. what could be found if that is lost?

14. what could i will to lose? to be lost?

V. Lose

1. loose

2. let go

3. what am i holding

4. what idea hurts to imagine

5. what about when i can’t paint a swooping ‘g’?

6. i don’t know

7. i will know then

8. i feel less afraid

9. i am so happy i found my favorite pen

10. it will run out of ink.

11. well, i will use all of the ink

12. all of the ink will move, from inside the pen
    out - to a place where I can see
    something - and i will (i will)
    I WILL - find things - not
    everything - some things - treasures
    yes will feel herself, themselves
    yes will feel a place and
    notice moments of hands and
    sounds and - oh pain, pain -
    and yes will hold it, almost
    contained - for the moment and
    be afraid, not knowing - yet also
    underneath - learning? trusting?
    yes does not have to, cannot contain
    can and cannot the exquisite
    pain of what is beauty of
    what will be lost of
    what will be found